


The Universe At The End Of I-40

by TheSwingbyJeanHonoreFragonard



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Blow Jobs in a Car, Denial of Feelings, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Road Trips, Sexual Tension, Slice of Life, Summer Romance, Summer Vacation, Unrealistic Weather Conditions, and there was only one bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:54:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25266433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSwingbyJeanHonoreFragonard/pseuds/TheSwingbyJeanHonoreFragonard
Summary: They had been planning this for months: a cross-country road trip for all of the friends. For all seven of them. Like old times. They'd travel from Virginia to LA and then vacation for a week at the beach.But life got in the way. Plans changed. Things happened. They dropped from seven to six to four...Now there's only two of them hitting the road. The two that know each other the least in a situation that forces them to get to know each other best. And they have to make the best of it.They do.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Seo Changbin
Comments: 20
Kudos: 274
Collections: Summer Boy





	The Universe At The End Of I-40

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt 'Day 8: Road Trip' in the Changbin Summer Boy Fic Fest. Enjoy!

> I need to take some time off, focus on my brand
> 
> Learn to love myself for who I am
> 
> Find my destiny written in sand
> 
> And let it all go to my head
> 
> "Lyrics Lie" by Dance Gavin Dance

  
  


It was long after nightfall when they finally made it across state lines to Arizona. 

Chan had to piss so they stopped at the side of the highway because, wouldn’t you know it, the two of them hadn’t passed a gas station in an hour.

“Don’t go out too far,” Changbin warned him. “Stay where I can see you.” Deserts could get dark at night and Changbin was already losing sight of Chan’s broad frame in the beams of the car headlights.

“I’m trying to piss, though,” Chan reminded him, as if Changbin could forget such a fact. “Don’t want you to watch me do that.” He turned around and made it obvious that he was yanking down his pants zipper.

Changbin kept on. “What if the aliens get you?”

“That’s Nevada.”

“What if you get abducted?”

“Then I won’t have to pay rent.”

“What if you get probed? Anally?”

“Are you trying to make me laugh?” Chan choked on a held back chuckle.

Changbin raised his voice to be heard over the noise of passing traffic. “No. I’m trying to make sure you don’t die!”

“I’m not going to fucking die.”

“Stay in the light!” It was mainly a joke.

“I will. I will. Jesus. Just… don’t look,” Chan shouted. 

Changbin rolled his eyes. The modesty felt misplaced. The two of them had accidentally seen each other nude already. A common byproduct of having to spend every waking second of every day with each other. Earlier in the week, Chan had stepped out of the hotel shower, his pale skin an irritated red from the hot water and his body still dripping wet. The hotel towel was wrapped around his neck instead of his waist because he’d temporarily forgotten that he wasn’t at home and he did not expect that Changbin would be lounging on the same bed he’d just paraded in front of. Then, on a different day, Changbin had climbed out of a hotel’s pool too quickly and the waistband of his baggy swim trunks had slid halfway down his thighs before he could get them back up, Chan a mere two feet in front of him. It was odd how they still tried to enforce some kind of physical distance. They had already stepped over the boundaries but were now spending all of this time stepping backwards.

“Fine then,” Changbin said, waving Chan away. “Go get stung by a scorpion or something. Go fall in a pit trap! You better not call me for help.” But he _did_ turn around to give Chan some semblance of privacy while the guy pissed. 

Changbin propped his elbows up on the hood of the car, the metal hot beneath his skin from the engine heat. He checked his watch. Shit. They would have to stop for the night soon and he kind of hated that because he never felt like they were making enough progress these days. Delays seemed to come at them from all sides. Tire trouble. Numerous bathroom breaks. Long lines at grocery stores. A misplaced wallet. A forgotten phone. Bad traffic. A wrong turn. A missed exit. To Changbin, the two of them had spent just as much time on this trip retracing their steps as they had pushing forward.

“It’s almost like we’re trapped in a bad time loop,” he muttered aloud. They could have been so much farther across Arizona by now. They could have been so much closer to the coast.

And maybe the drive wouldn’t be so bad if the scenery was prettier. The Midwest was nothing but flat, monotonous, arid desert but at least New Mexico had been slightly _green_. Arizona was just brown. Sand and dried out shrubs and cracked, parched earth like there hadn’t been a drop of rain in weeks.

Changbin was exhausted even though he hadn’t been the one driving. Then again, they’d spent all day on the road, only ever stopping to piss or refuel or trade driving duties. The nothingness out here got to Changbin sometimes. Made it feel like he and Chan were lost even though there was only one direction that they could go. Maybe it was because the traveling was so straightforward that it became so dull. Like a chore more than a journey. A job more than a vacation. Ever since Texas, he liked to think, it was as if the world had blended together like paint on a palette, everything flat and dry and murky. Everything the same two or three shades of rusty red. “Fuck,” he grumbled. “I wish we made it a little bit farther today.” He kept waiting and waiting for the landscape to change but one mile bled into the next and the desert just stretched on and on.

“We’ll get there,” Chan said softly.

Changbin startled. He hadn’t heard Chan come up behind him. He cleared his throat to mask his surprise. “I’m just ready to get there.”

“Same here… but if we rush, we’ll miss the view.” Chan’s big hand touched down on Changbin’s lower back. Heavy and warm even through Changbin’s shirt. The contact was a little boundary pushing, honestly, and definitely quite intimate considering how close they were now standing. Changbin could feel Chan’s breath against the shell of his ear. His hand slid a little farther down Changbin’s back, almost to his hip. That right there was something that couples did. Not friends of friends stuck on a trip together. Regardless, Chan rubbed a gentle circle into Changbin’s skin with his thumb.

Changbin wanted to lean back into the touch. He wanted to press himself against Chan and breathe in his scent and bask in his warmth. Because it was comfortable and he felt like he needed it. Instead, he went rigid and spun around to get out from beneath Chan’s hand. “Eww, did you just wipe your piss-covered hands on my shirt?”

The car headlights clearly illuminated Chan’s open-mouthed surprise. “What? What!? No. Fuck. I wasn’t even thinking.” He burst out into laughter. “I didn’t wipe anything on you. Don’t look at me like that. I didn’t! I swear.”

That quiet, charged moment between them was gone much to Changbin’s relief. “You better not have,” he snapped, only pretending to be angry, but then he broke into laughter as well. Delirious and loopy and sleepless. The happiness didn’t last long, though. Now he was yawning wide and twisting his torso in a stretch. “We should make it to the beach by tomorrow night if we speed.” In fact, they were wasting time right now huddling next to each other over the car hood. “We should get going.”

“Relax, Changbin,” Chan chided him. He snaked an arm over Changbin’s shoulders and pulled him close, pressing their sides together. “I’m having a good time. We don’t have to rush.”

“There’s nothing to see out here,” Changbin complained. The desert was just never ending dust and dirt.

“There is plenty to see,” Chan corrected him. He leaned close. Far closer than he needed to.

Changbin turned towards him. Surprised. Curious.

Chan put two of his fingers beneath Changbin’s chin and tilted his head back. In his tiredness, Changbin thought Chan was about to kiss him. And he was not opposed to the idea. He let his eyes flutter shut. But even with their height difference, Chan was tilting his head too far back for a kiss.

“There’s plenty to see,” Chan reiterated. “Just look.”

Changbin opened his eyes and then gasped.

Above them, magnificent and shimmering, was a sky full of bright stars.

None of them were falling, not that Changbin could see, but he shut his eyes again and made a wish on them anyways.

☀

They pulled off the highway and stopped for the night in the very first shitty little town they saw glowing on the horizon. After filling up the gas tank at what appeared to be the only station in town, the two of them checked in at a motel with a gaudy mermaid theme, a design choice that could only be criminally ironic considering the place was surrounded by a desert and didn’t even have a pool.

As Chan helped Changbin lug their bags up the chipped stone steps, Changbin could only think about how this road trip was _supposed_ to go. 

They started planning this shit back in April. It had been Minho’s idea. (“You know what we should do…?”) He was always the spontaneous one of the group and every couple of weeks, he was taking time off of work to _go somewhere_. Disneyworld. Niagara Falls. Cozumel. It was like he couldn’t live his life without a destination so a cross-country road trip was inevitable. They could see the major landmarks, he told them, do all the corny tourist shit, post a million photos to Instagram, fuck a different girl in every state. Well, not all of their goals aligned. Minho kept going on and on about it until he was practically guilting the guys into taking time off work so that they could all go. Gullible Jisung caved first. (“I’ve always wanted to see LA.”) Then he somehow managed to convince homebody Woojin to actually leave the house. If Woojin was going anywhere, his boyfriend Felix was going by default. So that was four of them. Then Woojin hyped up the trip to Changbin who refused roughly twenty times over the course of the month before giving in on Woojin’s twenty-first attempt. Then Changbin talked Seungmin into it who invited his new kinda sorta friend Chan along without really asking anyone else if it was okay. It was awkward and tense and nearly dissolved into an argument until Minho made the executive decision. (“He can come as long as he pays his share.”)

They started setting aside the money. It would be easy with so many of them. They’d need to cover gas and hotel stays and food and emergencies. Seungmin was an accountant so he was in charge of making the financial estimates and updating everyone on how much they should bring. Minho did all of the research into cool landmarks and tourist spots and plotted their entire trip from East Coast to West Coast. They would take Woojin’s fucking huge luxury SUV and ride across the country in comfort and style. Felix even booked their first hotel; some swanky multi-room suite with a balcony that was unnecessarily expensive but it would have been fun so they let him.

Then, as the summer months approached, their numbers slowly dwindled. It was Minho who had to bail on his own idea first at the very end of May. Some serious extended family drama involving wills and rights of inheritance had him booking a flight for South Korea and he couldn’t even be sure when he’d get to come back stateside. _If_ he’d get to come back. Woojin and Felix broke up the first week of June and were serious about it this time, apparently, so they were both out. Woojin hadn’t really wanted to go in the first place and Felix only really knew the rest of them as “Woojin’s friends” so he chose not to go. And probably more importantly, the luxury SUV was out of the equation which meant the only vehicle large enough for all of them was Changbin’s old Wrangler.

Adjustments had to be made. They discarded Minho’s zig-zagging route from state to state in favor of the straightest shot across the country they could manage, Interstate 40. That meant less days on the road which beautifully translated to significantly less hotel stays, less gas, less food. A godsend.

Everything stayed on track until Jisung had a sudden death in the family at the end of June and found himself having to take on the majority of the responsibility of making the funeral arrangements. At the start of July, Seungmin only gave them a day’s warning before he pulled out. Changbin kept hoping and hoping that Chan would find a reason to cancel as well so that he wouldn’t have to go himself, but as fate would have it, that didn’t happen. 

Now Changbin has made the longest, wildest, toughest trip of his life with the one person in the group he knew the least when this was supposed to be a trip with all of the people he knew the most.

“We’re Room 218,” Chan said, squinting at the wooden seashell-shaped block of wood dangling from the key in his hand. “I think it’s around the corner. Follow the arrows.”

It had been so hot during the day but the night was breezy. Almost cool. 

Changbin struggled to pull his suitcase along. The bum wheel dragged and made the work far tougher than it deserved to be.

Chan led the way. His tacky, loudly orange Hawaiian print shirt fluttered in the breeze and, every now and then, Changbin would be subjected to a flash of his skin, a glimpse of the smooth expanse of Chan’s wide back. 

Changbin shook his head. He was sweaty and tired and mildly annoyed. He was only attracted to Chan, he reasoned, because Chan was the only person he had been able to rely on for the last eight or nine days. He just wanted to shower and fling himself into bed then wake up and drive them to the coast.

But…

“Changbin?” Chan whispered, even though there was no reason for him to. 

“Yeah?” Changbin asked.

Chan stopped so suddenly that Changbin physically ran into his back. Changbin started to back away, but Chan spun around and caught him by the wrist as if to hold him close. “Are you having fun?”

And the question was so sudden that Changbin nearly answered, ‘no.’ It would have been honest.

Chan spoke before Changbin could answer, “Because I’m having fun.” He smiled and sort of half-laughed and it wasn’t until Changbin felt Chan’s breath ghost over his skin that he paid special attention to just how close they were standing.

“I’m having fun, Chan,” he said. It would be so much easier to lie than be vulnerable and truthful in front of this man he hardly knew.

“I wish you’d show it more,” Chan said. “I wish it was easier for me to tell that you were loving this.”

And the silence took on an electric charge not all too different from that moment at the side of the highway. The two of them were touching. They were sharing body heat and were in each other’s personal space in a way that didn't feel earned. Especially considering how little they knew each other. Yet standing face to face like this, almost mouth to mouth, was still somehow _restrained_ considering how quickly they’ve been forced to get to know each other. The contradiction is practically beating Changbin over the head. They could close the gap and kiss or rear back and punch each other in the face and either outcome would still be appropriate.

Fearful of the weight of the silence, Changbin moved first. “I’m having a good time.” He pulled his wrist free of Chan’s grasp and then drug his shitty suitcase around Chan so he could keep following the arrows to their room.

Changbin made it about ten steps before Chan rushed up behind him. The older man slipped an arm around Changbin’s waist and nearly lifted Changbin off of his feet when he pulled the smaller man against his chest in some weird back hug.

Another test of the boundaries. No. Another bold step over them. And Changbin was so sleepy he almost moaned at the sudden solidness of Chan’s body pressed against him. “What,” he asked. “What the hell? Why are you holding--” But the words died in his throat when he realized why Chan stopped him from walking forward.

He was half a foot away from putting his face directly into a thick, white spider web strung up between two columns.

Changbin laughed, but out of nerves and fright more than amusement. “Oh god, do they not clean this place?” He twisted out of Chan’s hold and they both had to press themselves to the stucco wall to get down the corridor without disturbing the web or the ugly, large spider that lurked near the ceiling. 

“Room 218. Right here!” Chan called out from behind him. Changbin had walked right past it because the numbers were so faded.

Changbin circled back around, retraced his steps and stood in front of the flimsy, pink door.

Once again, Chan got right up on him, broad chest to Changbin’s back. 

It was to put the key in the lock, Changbin realized, but he still shivered. Was Chan simply not aware of the distance they should maintain? Did he not realize how badly he fucked Changbin’s life up every time he pressed close like they were lovers instead of the strangers that they were? Strangers was too harsh a word, Changbin concluded. They were acquaintances at best. Two lonely souls who couldn’t say no.

Chan unlocked the door and then had to press up even closer to Changbin to turn the knob and push it open.

Changbin practically flung himself into the room to escape the man’s scent, his body heat, his touch. Changbin swiped his hand across the peeling wallpaper until he found the light switch. He flipped it and the buzzing lamps above their heads flickered on. His relief lasted only a moment longer.

Changbin would have to make peace with his love/hate relationship with Chan’s proximity.

There was only one bed.

☀

As tired as he’d been, Changbin found it impossible to actually get to sleep. The bed wasn’t as wide as it probably should have been and Changbin was overly aware of every time he stretched and his foot brushed against Chan’s leg. He was overly aware of every time Chan rolled too far over and his body came up next to Changbin’s. And in the one moment he did doze off, he had snapped awake only to discover that he’d slipped an arm around Chan’s neck while Chan had slung a leg over Changbin’s hip, their noses nearly touching. Changbin untangled their limbs and pulled away just to spend a sleepless hour tossing and turning while Chan snored next to him, oblivious.

So around midnight, or possibly later, Changbin crawled out from beneath the bed’s scratchy, stiff sheets and went to the room’s foyer to grab the plastic bag next to his suitcase that contained the last little bit of the watermelon they’d bought a state or two ago. He took it to the table in the center of the cramped room and unwrapped the melon from the plastic. Although he tried to be quiet as he used a knife to carve a few scoops of the ripe fruit onto a paper plate, he must not have been quiet enough.

“You still up,” Chan asked as he climbed out of the bed.

“Never fell asleep,” Changbin corrected. He looked over his shoulder at Chan.

He was cute when he was sleepy, Changbin thought. Even in the ghoulish blue light of the muted television. Chan’s eyes were almost completely closed and his pretty pink lips looked puffy and soft as he shuffled towards Changbin on bare feet. Then Chan stopped being cute and started being dangerous. Changbin’s eyes went wide. He forgot that Chan slept without a shirt on, the full expanse of his chest and abs on display. And his bright green underwear was too tight to provide much modesty. Changbin had to slap his own cheek to get himself to look away from the obvious bulge.

He busied himself by carving the watermelon in front of him, slicing the red, seedless flesh into small, lopsided cubes.

“You should sleep,” Chan told him, his voice a frog’s croak from exhaustion. “You drive in the mornings. Remember?”

“I will in a second,” Changbin said. He had gotten out of the bed to avoid being close to Chan’s body. Now he was close to Chan’s body all over again as the man walked up right behind him and nuzzled the top of his head into Changbin’s shoulder.

Yet another gesture that was probably too intimate for the two of them, but Chan didn’t seem to mind. Perhaps Changbin should stop caring as well. The days would go by so much more easily if he just allowed Chan to get close.

“Can I have a piece?” Chan asked.

Changbin said, “Sure.” He was going to lift the plate so that Chan could pick his own but Chan just grabbed Changbin’s wrist to raise it up and hold it steady so that he could eat the juicy sliver Changbin was holding.

It was a double whammy of physical contact. Chan’s fingers pressed tight into the pulse point of Changbin’s wrist while his lips brushed across Changbin’s hand. Changbin watched Chan chew and swallow more closely than he probably should have and there was no playing it off when Chan met his eyes and smirked.

“It’s very sweet,” Chan observed.

Changbin nearly forgot that he was commenting on the watermelon. “Yeah. It’s tasty.”

They snacked on the watermelon in relative silence. Every now and then, Chan would hold a piece up in front of Changbin’s mouth and refused to let him accept it with his hands so he had no other option but to bite it out from between Chan’s fingers. Then Chan would lurk in wait and bite the piece Changbin was about to eat from out of his hand. Changbin didn’t trust his voice to hold steady if he complained about how Chan had him pressed against the edge of the table and how Chan's erection was firmly pressed against the flat of his back. They should step back, Changbin thought, since they weren’t a couple and shouldn’t do couple things all willy nilly. But he also liked having Chan lean into him and feed him too much to bring a halt to it. He enjoyed watching Chan’s bare chest rise and fall as he breathed. He enjoyed how Chan pressed closer than he needed to in order to wipe stray juice from his chin. Things went back and forth like that until they had scooped every last edible bit from out of the half-shell of the watermelon rind. Changbin wriggled away from Chan’s heat so that he could cross the room and chuck the rind in the trash can.

Changbin still wasn’t sure he was actually tired enough to sleep, but then Chan guided him towards the mattress by the wrist. He half-crawled beneath the sheets and tugged Changbin down towards him mumbling, “Now come back to bed.” Changbin let himself be pulled. He let himself be tucked under the sheets. Let Chan lay right next to him. Let Chan drape an arm over his hips. 

“Night,” Changbin muttered, his eyes already closing.

Chan may or may not have whispered “sweet dreams” in his ear before Changbin fell asleep wrapped in his heat.

☀

The cruddy roadside motel’s idea of a ‘continental breakfast’ consisted of cold yet charred toast, a communal vat of applesauce that Changbin didn’t trust, room-temperature scrambled eggs, bland coffee with watery creamer and (the true highlight) half-disintegrated wheat cereal you crank out of the food equivalent of a gumball machine. Changbin knew exactly what continental breakfast meant but _still!_ As he piled more onto his plate and stared down at the unappetizing, colorless meal, he couldn't help the frown of disappointment that curled his lips.

When was the last time he’d had a good, hot meal?

But the motel room had been cheap enough that he could pay for the night’s stay with the last few sweaty, crumpled bills left in his back pocket and the coins stashed away in the car’s center console.

In other words, he couldn’t complain because he was literally getting what he paid for.

He couldn’t say shit about the lack of water pressure in the shower. He couldn’t say shit about how half of the channels on the TV didn’t work. He couldn’t say shit about the weird burnt-hair smell the noisy air conditioning pumped into the room. He couldn’t even say shit about there only being one bed. Changbin didn’t particularly care one way or the other but there wasn’t even a bible in the nightstand! Wasn’t that a faux pas or something?

Chan must not have gotten the no-complaints memo, though. “Shit,” he groaned as he shuffled into the mostly-empty cafeteria. In his all black clothes, he stood out like a blotch of smeared ink in the hideously teal and pink room. He joined Changbin at the wobbly buffet table and then nudged Changbin with an elbow. “Morning. Fuck. A coffin would have been more comfortable than that bed, huh? I’m going to be feeling that in my back all day.” It looked like he had just rolled out of bed. Legitimately rolled. His hair was a disaster, his denim pants were obviously pulled up over the lime green boxers he slept in and his feet were squeezed into Changbin’s old shoes, his bare heels squashing flat the backs of them.

He was beautiful. Still. Even with the bags under his eyes. Changbin thought it would be a good moment to reach up and brush Chan’s hair out of the man’s face but he realized at the last second that friends don’t really _do that_ so he stopped short and stood there with his hand hovering in the air. 

Chan leaned away to grab a plate and fork, unaware. “You should have hung the do not disturb sign on the door when you left. Housekeeping woke me up.”

“This place has housekeeping,” Changbin asked incredulously.

“An old lady in an apron, yes.”

“Well, I can never get you out of bed.” Changbin said. He almost didn't want to get out of bed himself. He had woken up from a dream only to find himself in another dream: with Chan’s arms wrapped snugly around his waist, Chan snoring gently with his face pressed between Changbin’s shoulder blades. “Remember a day or two ago? When we were in fucking Oklahoma? You set like ten alarms on your phone and slept through all of them. It was beside your head!”

“I’m a heavy sleeper,” Chan defended himself. “Besides, you packed up and let me sleep through them all.”

“I tried waking you.”

Chan leaned towards him. “Try harder.”

Changbin scrunched up his nose due to the face full of morning breath. At least Changbin had the decency to be showered and dressed already. Check-out was in just under an hour and he still had both of their shit to pack up and some cheap motel shampoo to steal. He finished piling breakfast on his plate. It wouldn’t be good but at least it would be filling. “The earlier we get on the road the better. I punched in the address and we’ve still got ten hours on the road.” Not accounting for traffic. Not accounting for breaks. Not accounting for the bad weather that was supposed to be rolling in. However, he followed all of that up by saying, “We’re almost there.”

One more state line and then they’d be in California. Finally.

It had only taken them forever.

And, really, it was a miracle the two of them had even made it as far as this. On the first day of the trip, barely out of Virginia, they had fussed and argued and Changbin had threatened to turn around and drop Chan back off at home at least two times. He couldn’t even remember what the fight had been about!

The odds had been stacked against them since the start, really. Seungmin had bailed on them at the last minute, so just like that, they were down the good chunk of the money they thought they would have and had planned half of their trip around. That meant making less leisure stops, being mindful of gas prices, buying cheaper food and renting slummier hotels. Then Changbin’s old GPS hadn’t accounted for the new highway outside of Charlotte, so they’d wasted half a day following the outdated directions down long, winding country roads with an awfully low speed limit.

They started using Chan’s phone navigation after that.

Now they were here. In the last leg of the trip. Despite everything.

Chan said, ever hopeful, “You think we’ll make it to the beach today? Think we can get out there and catch some waves before the sunset?”

Changbin checked his watch. Theoretically, they had the time, but that’s what Changbin had thought two days ago before they sat in bumper-to-bumper highway traffic for three and a half solid, sweaty hours because of an unfortunate tractor trailer accident. “We should.”

Chan sighed with disdain. “Look at this shit. Look at it!” He scooped some applesauce onto his plate, slapping the hardened mess on top of his stack of dry toast.

“Oh, come on,” Changbin scolded him. “Food was something you said we should skimp on.” Which meant that their last two or three meals had been gas station potato chips and lemonade flavor powder poured into water bottles. 

“I may have restricted us too much,” Chan realized. He cranked the cereal-gumball-machine thing above his paper bowl and got nothing but crumbs and cereal dust. He sighed again. “That’s it. On the way back, no more shitty motel stays. We can just charge decent hotels to my card. It’s the only way to get your credit score up anyway.”

“This is what road trips are about. It’s not the luxury stops. It’s the shitty drive.” Changbin patted Chan on the back between the man’s shoulder blades. Then he recoiled at the sweaty dampness. “Eww. If you aren’t gonna shower, at least help me pack.” 

Chan laughed at that. “I’ll shower, then.”

Changbin wandered away from the buffet table and sat down at a slightly sticky table near a window. The view outside wasn’t much. Scraggly scrubgrass and short Joshua trees dotted the arid landscape. The motel itself was a lone island of cracked asphalt in the desert, with only about six or seven other cars roasting beneath the morning sun in the parking lot. Beyond that, there was only the black strip of highway that would lead them to the coast. Eventually.

Chan scooped more eggs onto his plate and then, with an easygoing smile plastered on his face, he sat down across the table from Changbin. They didn’t have a lot of space. The table was tiny. Chan’s knees immediately dug into Changbin’s inner thighs. 

Heat against heat in an already hot room. 

Neither of them moved, though.

☀

Changbin was hauling his suitcase down the motel walkway to the stairs when his phone rang. He wasn’t expecting it to be Seungmin. He propped himself up against the motel’s wooden railing and swiped his thumb across the screen to accept the call. “Yo, what’s up?”

“Goddammit,” was Seungmin’s immediate, loud reply.

Changbin had heard that grumpy tone of voice countless times before. He snorted back a laugh. “What the hell did he do now?”

“I fell for all of his sweet talk, Changbin.”

Changbin spun away from the rather bland desert view to put his back on the railing and stare at the rather bland motel architecture instead. “Tell me more.”

“Like… For two or three days, he’d been buttering me up. I thought we were back on it. I thought he was trying to get back together again.”

“I’m sensing a big fat ‘but’ coming in.”

“But,” Seungmin huffed. “He… He just wanted me in bed one more good time.”

“Like a souvenir? Something to take with him on the road?”

Seungmin laughed. “Oh, fuck! That’s one way to look at it. Positive spin. Okay, I feel better already.”

Chan came around the corner then, twirling the room key around his finger. He spotted Changbin and then approached him. There was this look on his face. This barely restrained smile like he was just that happy to spot Changbin a little sooner than he thought he would. He nudged Changbin’s rolling suitcase out of the way and then stood directly in front of Changbin. He got far closer than he needed to, bringing them nearly chest to chest. “Who’s that?” But he was already leaning even farther forward to listen in. “Seungmin?”

Changbin nodded his confirmation at Chan then, to Seungmin, he said, “This is what I’ve been saying. You have to find someone who is interested in you. Not just attracted to you. There’s a difference.”

“Those are really tough to tell apart sometimes,” Seungmin stated.

“I agree,” said Changbin. He shifted away from Chan a little, so as not to feel the man’s exhaled breath on his neck. “And I wish there was a magical way to tell the difference. Maybe the attraction turns into interest over time. Or maybe it’s the other way around and-” His voice hitched when Chan suddenly made eye contact with him. “-being interested leads you to being attracted.”

“I only get the bare fucking minimum of that poetic shit,” said Seungmin, “but fair enough.”

Changbin attempted to change the subject. “You should have come with us. Didn’t I tell you? You shouldn’t have given that dude another chance. Didn’t I say before you bailed that you’d regret it?”

“You were just whining and bitching.”

“I was telling the truth!”

There was silence on the other end of the line. Long enough even for Chan to raise a curious eyebrow. “I didn’t think I’d miss you guys so much,” Seungmin stated after a while.

“You missed your ex’s dick just a little bit more.”

“Ugh, whatever,” Seungmin groaned. “But I needed the closure, I guess. Me and him… We’ve been off and on since Christmas. We never had a lot in common but the sex was fun... but even then, it wasn’t until last night that I realized that we just don’t click like we used to.”

Changbin shifted his phone from one ear to the other, not expecting Chan to press even closer to him to keep his ear near the phone speaker. Changbin swallowed hard. When he inhaled, he felt Chan’s chest against his own. “Did you at least give him the best sex of his life before he left you?” And it wasn’t until after the words were out of his mouth that he realized how awkward it was to say something like that with Chan boxing him in against the railing.

Seungmin said, “I started off thinking that way. Got on top and tried to do that move I saw in that one PornHub video but it’s _tiring_ , man. My knees started hurting. After like two minutes, I just rolled over and let him do all the work.”

That got a chuckle out of Chan. Loud enough that Changbin pressed a hand over the guy’s mouth and tried to push him away, out of the conversation. It worked for a second but Chan was right back up against him, listening in. 

“Even when he was fucking me,” Seungmin went on, “I could tell that his heart wasn’t in it. He was just kind of going through the motions. Not even really trying to get me off. Hell, I didn’t even get off!”

Changbin turned his head a little to speak into the phone so he wouldn’t have to stare straight into Chan’s face. “Well, I was hoping you’d give him a reason to miss you but maybe it’s better if you two went your separate ways.” 

Seungmin agreed. “For real this time.”

“I wish you were with us, Seungmin.”

“Yeah, I could be in Cali getting dicked down by a hot stranger on the beach.”

Changbin snorted back a laugh of his own. Stray spit flew out of his mouth which made Chan pull back ever so slightly. “Yeah, I wish I was getting dicked down right now too.” And the eye contact he made with Chan immediately after that sentiment was awkward enough to turn his cheeks red. He tried to nudge Chan backwards to give himself some space but Chan just smirked and pushed close again, leaning so that he could eavesdrop on what Seungmin was saying.

“I really should have went with you guys…” Seungmin said. “I’d already taken all of those days off work so now I’m just sitting around the house doing nothing.”

“Yeah, and now that you and him are through, you can’t even spend all that free time with him.”

“Way to rub it in.”

“Look, I earned the right to fire off a few cheap shots. This trip was supposed to be a friend thing.”

“It’s still a friend thing,” said Seungmin.

“It’s better because it’s with more than friends.”

It wasn’t until Chan tilted his head back and stared at Changbin that he even realized how badly he butchered that sentence.

He tried again. “God. Fuck. It would be better if it was with more friends. Holy shit. I can’t talk.”

Both Chan and Seungmin laughed at him.

Seungmin recovered first. “See? You’re having a good time out there. It sounds like so much fun.”

“You can... You can join us,” Changbin suggested. “Catch a flight and meet us at the hotel.” It was getting harder and harder for him to focus on the conversation. One of Chan’s hands had settled on Changbin’s hip and if Chan tilted his head any further forward, his mouth would be against Changbin’s neck. “I don’t know how long we’ll be staying out there but it’ll at least be a week. Right, Chan?”

Chan said something, but whatever word had fallen off his tongue was lost beneath the vibration of his chest against Changbin’s and his hot breath on Changbin’s neck. Fuck! Was he doing that shit on purpose? Changbin nearly dropped his phone.

“Oh, man. Maybe I _should_ fly out there,” Seungmin said. The eagerness left his voice. “Or maybe I should reach out to Jisung. See how he’s doing.”

“Shit. Oh my- Fuck! You’re right!” Changbin sputtered out. The trip had been so stressful that he hadn’t even thought about calling his grieving friend all week. “Hope he’s doing okay. God. How could I fucking forget?”

“I know, right,” Seungmin exhaled. “I feel guilty… But he also wanted us to go through with the trip. He knew how excited we all were about it. He understood that we’d still have to go after all the preparations we made.”

“Damn,” Changbin cussed. It did feel a little bad to be out and about trying to have a blast when one of his friends was having a tough time. “Maybe we should take plenty of pictures. Show him that we’re having fun even though he couldn’t make it. He’d like that, wouldn’t he?”

It was Chan that said, “He’d probably like it more than if we had cancelled and just sat around doing nothing.”

Seungmin didn’t seem surprised at all by the intrusion. “Oh, hey Chan.”

“Hey, Seungmin. Sorry you got dumped.”

“Are you? Really? You were the main one who kept telling me to dump his ass.”

Chan just snorted. “And you were the main one hypnotized by the dick.”

“I formally apologize,” said Seungmin. “I have been to the top of the mountain and meditated with the guru there. I have seen the light and now know that there is plenty of dick in the sea.”

Changbin wished they would stop talking about dick! It wasn’t even an erotic conversation but Chan’s proximity had him suddenly aroused. Had him thinking about Chan pressing him even more firmly against the railing. He tried to redirect the conversation. “But back to Jisung, though…” He hadn’t even realized that his free hand had migrated to clutch at Chan’s arm, as if to hold him close. He let go. And did… Did Chan just _frown_ at the loss? Changbin squeezed his eyes shut and focused on the noise Seungmin was making on his end of the line. “Tell him he’s been in my thoughts.”

“Sure thing. I’ll take him out for lunch today or something. Try to get him laughing.” Seungmin put a bit more pep in his voice. “Well, I don’t want to hold you up. You guys hit the beach yet?”

“Not quite. We’re still in Arizona, actually.” Changbin slipped out of the cage of Chan’s arms and grabbed the handle of his suitcase. He sucked in a deep breath as his skin got tingly in all of the places where Chan had been pushed up close against him. “In a few more hours, we’ll be at the beach. If it’s not too late, we’ll try to catch some waves.”

“Oh man, now I really wish I had come along. A week of biking and surfing and hiking. Shit. That’s the Los Angeles dream, isn’t it?”

“It’s definitely the dream. Would be closer to the dream if all of my friends were here.”

Seungmin said… _something_ … but there was noise on his end of the line that reduced his sentence to “-you wanna kiss Chan?”

“God yes,” Changbin blurted out. Then his brain caught up with what he’d just been asked. “Wait. What did you just say?”

“I was asking if you were still serious when you said you wanna hit Chan. You two were arguing last time I called. What did you think I said?”

“Oh, I don’t know what I thought I heard but it definitely wasn’t that.” Changbin _did_ want to kiss Chan, though, now that the idea was there.

Changbin glanced over his shoulder at Chan. At the man who was more Seungmin’s friend than his own. It was July and it was hot and humid but he shivered at the loss of Chan’s body heat. Changbin saw Chan turn to look over at him and he glanced away before they made eye contact. “We’re getting along better now,” he said.

“That’s good. You sounded so ready to come back last time we talked. Now you sound happy to be staying out there for a week.”

“Yeah. Now we’re too close to the end to turn back.” Changbin started wheeling his suitcase towards the stairs. “Look… I’m sorry about your ex.”

They fell into silence again. Long enough that Changbin managed to wrestle the suitcase down the stairs. Long enough that he pulled the phone away from his ear to check that the connection hadn’t dropped. “Shit happens sometimes,” Seungmin told Changbin, softly but not sadly. “But it’s up to us to find meaning in the mess.”

“Like this trip,” said Changbin. It was supposed to be him and all of his friends. Now it was just him and Chan. But, at the very least, it wasn’t like he was out here by himself. “I have to find meaning in it, right? I don’t know what I’m looking for but I have to find it.”

“I hope you find it,” Seungmin said. “I really hope you do.”

☀

They all had something to get away from. 

Escaping was why they had planned such an elaborate, absurd road trip to begin with when it would have been a million times easier to book a non-stop flight. Escaping was why they had spent over a week driving nearly three thousand fucking miles. 

Changbin had an oppressive boss and a bully of a co-worker who he desperately needed to get out from under, even if it meant quitting his job on the spot and not looking back.

Chan had just received his bachelor’s degree after seven long, slow years of part-time schooling and he was more than ready to be as far away from a classroom as possible.

Minho had been trying to get away from the very same family problems that had made him book a flight to the other side of the world.

Woojin and Felix had probably wanted to go to get away from each other. Even though they had been together.

Jisung probably wanted to go just to go, but he couldn’t even do that with a funeral to prepare and an estate sale to oversee.

Seungmin, though… He just couldn’t get away from his dick of an ex. Or, more accurately, he couldn’t get away from his ex’s dick.

But maybe it was a good thing Seungmin had bailed, Changbin selfishly thought, because now, maybe, Chan would have no one else but him to pay attention to. 

Changbin shoved his suitcase into the trunk and then slammed the back door of the vehicle shut. Earlier, Changbin had said, “We need to like… get smaller suitcases. Or just buy a bookbag and cram all of our stuff in it when we stay in a hotel.” Really, they didn’t need to bring all that much with them when they made such stops each night. Just a change of clothes and a toothbrush honestly would have been enough. Changbin didn’t know why he kept lugging almost everything he had to their motel rooms.

About the situation, Chan had replied, “Well, think about it this way… This is the last time we have to load all of our stuff up like this. When we get to the beach, we’re staying for a while.”

At least that was the one aspect of the trip that hadn’t changed, even if the rest of the crew wasn’t here. Changbin had Jisung’s list of restaurants he’d wanted to eat at and Minho’s to-do list of kitschy tourist spots he’d wanted to see. (The Walk Of Fame. Venice Beach. The Hollywood sign on the hills. The Santa Monica Pier.) The two of them would go in the group’s stead. The two of them would do what the rest of them couldn’t do. Then in a few month’s time, they would all plan another trip. Hopefully, they’d all get to go.

The front door of the motel lobby swung open. Chan was in a different Hawaiian print shirt. Purple and orange and yellow like a sunset. Chan threw his mouth open in a yawn. 

Changbin asked, “Are you _still_ sleepy?”

“You know I’m shit in the mornings.” That was why it was up to Changbin to do all of the driving until they stopped somewhere for lunch. “Feel like tacos?” Chan asked as he circled the car and climbed into the passenger seat.

“We _just_ ate,” Changbin let him know, getting in on the driver’s side. He spent a moment readjusting the seat and mirrors. Chan was long-legged and he liked to sit low and all the way back. Changbin’s short legs couldn’t deal. 

“I meant for lunch, asshole,” said Chan. “I’m craving Mexican.”

“I want seafood.”

“You can get seafood dishes at a Mexican restaurant.”

Changbin rolled his eyes as he cranked up the engine. “Let’s decide when it’s actually lunchtime. Besides, unless it’s for gas or to drop a shit, I kind of don’t want to stop until we get to the beach.”

“Fair,” Chan said. He had followed through on his promise to shower. His hair was less frizzy but he still tamped it down beneath a sweatband. He wore thigh-hugging jeans that were composed of holes more than they were composed of denim and the sleeves of his shirt clung to his muscled shoulders and biceps. The smell of his cologne thickened in the tight space of the car. Something smoky and spicy, almost like incense. He said, “Just let me know when you want me to take over.”

“I’ll be good for a bit.” Changbin checked his mirrors and then reversed out of the parking spot. He hardly let the Wrangler settle its weight before he shifted into drive and wheeled out of the lot. 

He was a little anxious and jittery as he started down the road. His foot stayed heavy on the accelerator. His newly discovered desire to kiss Chan? If he could just leave it behind at the motel, that would be grrrrrrreat. Besides, he was more than ready to get to the beach. He wanted to walk the boardwalk, try out the outdoor gym, shove funnel cake and cotton candy into his mouth, gape at all of the misleading GOING OUT for BUSINESS signs and suck in some West Coast air. Slumming it in bogus motels was novel for the first night or two but the discomfort got old fast. Even driving all day was fun in the beginning. They’d roll the windows down to get the wind in their hair, ate ridiculous amounts of junk food and blasted Chan’s prog rock collection. Now, though, after days and days of the monotony of cruise control, the uncomfortable seats and reckless traffic and loud rock frayed on Changbin’s last nerves. 

“Looks like we’re getting on the main highway up here,” Chan said, holding up his phone.

Changbin glanced at the navigation on screen, the red line guiding him west towards the coastline. “Thanks. You’re the navigator so don’t fall asleep on me over there.” 

Chan put a hand on Changbin’s head and smoothed down his hair. “I’ll stay up for you, then.”

It was almost as if Chan was being purposefully careless with his touches. Like he needed a piece of Changbin against his hand at all times. He had always been that way, now that Changbin thought back. It was just that, in the last twenty-four hours, Changbin couldn’t shake the feeling that Chan’s touches meant something different now. Something… more.

And maybe that was a little scary.

Changbin playfully swatted Chan’s hand away from his hair and then merged into the appropriate lane with more speed than he needed. Then he turned up the volume on some bright, tropical-sounding basshall on the satellite radio and then floored it as he took the entrance ramp.

The bubbly music was an appropriate theme song. Changbin was more than ready to get his feet in the sand and dunk his head beneath some waves.

They were all beach boys, kinda. Born and raised. Or, rather, it was Minho and Changbin and Seungmin who grew up on the beach. The others came later. They spent hours, days, weeks, years, staring out at the waves of the Atlantic so it wasn’t like they’d never seen the ocean before. It was just that California was _different._ Like it was its own fucking world. Its own damn solar system or something. Los Angeles was a universe with its own rules and its own dress code and practically its own language. It was something that needed to be _experienced_.

The back windows of Changbin’s lifeguard yellow Jeep Wrangler were plastered full of skateboard and surf brand stickers and the paint above the tire wells was going dull after years of being driven through sand and mud and dune grass and salt water. Chan’s skateboard collection sat in the backseat between their bags of food and piles of shoes. Changbin’s surfboards were tied to the roof. Strapped over the spare tire on the back was a bike rack with Seungmin’s expensive, Japanese mountain bike still attached, a remnant of just how ‘last minute’ his exit from the trip had been. 

They were East Coasters through and through, but they had always wanted to see if there was any truth to that West Coast Best Coast shit.

Changbin veered into the fast lane and gunned it around a slow-moving sedan.

Chan leaned across the center console to speak into Changbin’s ear like he couldn’t just say what he wanted to aloud. “No need to speed,” he told Changbin. “The more time I spend with you, the better.”

☀

The miles bled by in streaks of brown earth and blue sky and the occasional highway sign. 

The two of them came up with a system where Chan had control over the radio for three or four songs and then Changbin got to pick artists for three or four songs. It was an easy, simple way to stay alert and it helped them pass the time as there was not enough going on with the scenery to play traditional driving games like I Spy.

“I used to think road trips were the best thing ever,” said Chan. He cut off the radio so that they could talk without shouting.

“Hmm? Why,” Changbin asked. 

“A Goofy Movie was my _shit_ growing up,” said Chan, sighing wistfully as he thought back on it.

Changbin turned his attention to the old coupe in the lane ahead of them with a mismatched paint job leaning hard on their brakes for no reason. “I think I’ve seen that once or twice.”

“Once or twice,” Chan repeated in an affronted, high-pitched tone. “It’s a coming of age masterpiece!”

“I didn’t really watch cartoons like that,” Changbin explained himself. It may have been the wrong thing to say.

“What? You’re joking. You’re joking!” Chan threw his head back and playfully groaned. “That’s the most fun family movie I’ve watched. The music. The animation. Did I say the _music_?” His frustration turned to amusement as he launched into a giggle fit. “I used to watch that movie so much that I could recite the script word for word.” He hummed thoughtfully as he tried to recall some of the lines. “Dammit. I think I’ve forgotten most of it. It’s been years since I really watched it.”

Changbin wasn’t all that impressed. “What made you like it so much?”

“It embodied everything I thought life should be. Just wanting to be cool and impress someone special to you. The idea of traveling across the country and seeing everything and meeting all sorts of people.” He waved a hand out the passenger side window to indicate the open road, the desert, the sky. “And we’re doing that right now.”

Honestly, Changbin didn’t really understand the depths of Chan’s excitement but he could empathize regardless. “Are you being cool to impress me now,” he asked as a joke.

“Yes,” said Chan emphatically. Seriously. Honestly.

Changbin looked over at him and the eye contact made the tension in the air sizzle like the sparklers tourists took to the beach in summer. Changbin put his eyes back on the road. “When we get to the beach,” he offered, “I’ll watch it with you.” 

Quietly, as if fearful of being rejected, Chan asked, “Really?”

“Yeah. I want to understand why you love it so much.” Changbin switched lanes to get from behind the coupe that was still leaning on their brakes.

“If I sing along, will you judge me,” Chan asked.

Changbin shook his head. “Of course not.”

“If I laugh at all the corny, kiddy jokes, will you think less of me?”

“Chan, no. I’m just interested in you. And interested in the things you like.” Changbin wasn’t looking at him, not full on, but he could still see Chan’s big, happy grin out of the corner of his eye. He couldn’t imagine that saying something so simple would turn Chan’s mood around like that. “I want to like what you like.”

“Okay, then. We can watch A Goofy Movie one evening. And then you can pick something to share with me on another evening.”

They would have nothing but free time. They may as well fill it.

Changbin said, “I’d love that.”

☀

Despite what Changbin had said about not wanting any breaks, they pulled over at a rest stop around noon.

Despite what Chan had said about craving Mexican, they got gas station food again.

“Fuck,” Changbin whined. He hopped out of the Wrangler and took a stretch so good he half-screamed. “Was I out of my mind thinking we could get to the beach without stopping?”

“Yeah, I think you lost it just a tad.” Chan circled around the vehicle to stand next to him. He had bought a hotdog from the last gas station. Chili and relish and onions were piled on top of it. He took a tiny bite out of just the bun as if he intended to make the footlong last. With his mouth full, he said, “I figured you’d realize how crazy you sounded on your own. That’s why I didn’t say anything.”

Changbin swatted him in the chest. “You’re so mean.”

“I love you,” Chan shot back. “I mean… I mean, you love it. You love it. That’s what I meant to say.”

A short, tense silence. Changbin swallowed hard and pressed on. “This has been such a long and shitty trip. I don’t even want to think about the drive back to Virginia after all of this.”

“Well, don’t think about it, then. That’s a week away at the earliest. And we can always stay at the beach longer.”

Changbin snorted. That hadn’t been part of the plan. Even when the whole group was going, they’d only considered a week and a half tops. There was only so much unpaid time off they could be approved for. He said, “You’d want to stay there longer with me?”

“Of course,” Chan said quickly.

Changbin had meant it more along the lines of ‘You’d want to stay longer even though your actual friend bailed?’ But it would be more hassle than it was worth to correct himself so he didn’t bring it up. “Thanks.” 

The rest stop was little more than a building no bigger than a backyard shed and a long strip of weed-choked asphalt in the middle of the desert. Although there were several eighteen-wheelers parked on the far end, the two of them had the only car in the lot at the moment.

“Jesus Christ,” Changbin complained. He had to speak up a bit to be heard over the highway noise. “It’s just been desert, desert, desert for hours now.”

“I was about to say it’s not that bad, but…” Chan waved a hand at the landscape in front of them. “This has really been all there is.”

“Since Texas,” said Changbin.

“Since Oklahoma,” Chan corrected.

“Oklahoma was pretty. There were _trees_. And we were driving alongside old Route 66 most of the time.”

“Well… True. You’re right. It’s been nothing but desert for days.”

And it kept on and on. Endlessly. Whenever the highway went up a slight mountain ridge, Changbin half-expected to come down the other side and be able to see the ocean. But, always, it was just more desert. It was pretty, in a way. The desert. Changbin was used to the lush green hills and pine trees of the East Coast, so to see all of this wide open space… all of this flat, brown earth… It kind of messed with his head a little and made it feel like he’d gotten off a spaceship to take his first few steps on Mars or something crazy. 

Chan must have been on the same wavelength. “Feels like some other planet, right?”

Changbin’s eyes went wide because of how similar their thought process had been. “The sand’s definitely red enough.”

In the middle of the day, the desert sky was the most gorgeous shade of washed-out blue. Fanciful, wispy white clouds swirled around the horizon. Changbin remembered how pretty it could get out here at night with how clear and _close_ the night sky felt. With nothing to obstruct the view, the moon could probably hang so low he could jump up and touch it. Not really, but the thought was there. During the daytime, though, the magical edge was hidden beneath the very real fact that it was so hot out that he thought he might melt in his shoes. The distant hills were but hazy, bluish shadows, but beyond the occasional tall shrub, the California landscape was flat and dry and endless.

“God, I’d hate to get lost out there.” Changbin wiped his sweaty brow, looking into the depths of the wild desert. “This is the first bit of civilization we’ve seen in an eternity.”

“It hasn’t been that long.” Chan took another little nibble out of his hot dog.

“Jesus. We’re so close and yet so far. I just want to be there already.”

“Why the rush, Changbin?” Chan gently touched his shoulder. Then his hand dragged down Changbin’s arm before brushing lightly across his wrist. It was almost as if he wanted to grab hold of Changbin’s hand. Instead, Chan dropped his arm back to his side. “We’ve been taking our time up until now but, today, you seem so… anxious.”

Changbin looked over at him. Chan had taken off his sweatband and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and Changbin couldn’t resist raking his eyes up and down the man’s thick, muscled form. Was it just attraction or was it _interest_ ? “The fatigue just hit me all at once. It’s been a long week. My mind is all over the place. A lot is going on. Okay?” Like how he was still getting acclimated to the fact that his heart _yearned_ for Chan. He longed to touch and hold and feel Chan. But every time the feeling was right there at the surface, he pushed it back down, afraid of the damage it would cause if the emotion overflowed. “I think I just need a nap.”

“Want me to take over,” Chan asked. He didn’t wait for an answer. He stepped forward, slipped two fingers into Changbin’s front pocket and retrieved the car keys. “Hold this.” He handed Changbin his barely-touched hot dog and then unlocked the Wrangler to rummage through one of their snack bags. Probably to get another water bottle.

Changbin lifted the hot dog to his mouth.

“Don’t eat it,” Chan said without turning around, as if he could sense Changbin’s intentions.

“You think I can hold your dick without wanting to eat it?”

Chan slowly turned around, mouth gaping.

Changbin met his gaze. “What?” Then he gasped. “Holy shit. I meant to say hot dog.” He turned away so that he couldn’t see Chan. “Oh my fucking- Jesus!” What was _wrong_ with him? “I am so sorry. This is what I mean, man. I need to nap. I can’t even speak. Those words don’t even sound alike. Shit!”

Chan laughed and laughed.

Changbin shoved the food back into Chan’s hands. “Here. Take your hot dick back. I mean your hot _dog_!” He rushed away from Chan and circled around the hood of the Wrangler to get into the passenger seat. He hated that he couldn’t escape the embarrassment. It would just have to sit in the car with them.

☀

They met the storm around 2PM.

Chan usually had no qualms about driving in the rain but the shit was coming down so hard that he couldn't safely see the road ahead. The dark clouds and the high wind smothered visibility until the truck in front of them was merely the _impression_ of a shadow.

Chan put on the hazard lights and pulled over to the side of the road, getting as far over as he could manage without putting them too deep in the sand.

Outside, thunder rumbled like explosions were going off. Changbin startled out of his nap and it took him several seconds to peer through the windows and process what he was seeing. “Shit. It’s raining cats and fucking dogs.”

“Sorry,” Chan mumbled, as if the weather were his fault. “I know you said you wanted to get there as soon as possible.”

“It’s-- It’s fine, man,” Changbin replied slowly. He had been sitting with his ankles propped up on the dashboard. Now he shifted so that he could plant his feet on the floor and sit more properly, massaging his stiff calf muscles. “As long as we actually make it to the beach, I’m alright.”

It wasn’t exactly easy to tell where they were but Changbin had a feeling they were at the edge of the desert. He was just guessing. There was no way the landscape could stay this brown for too much longer.

Next to them, a red pickup truck whizzed past them far too fast, throwing a wave of water against the windows and rocking the Wrangler. “Idiot,” Chan shouted, like the driver could hear him. “You’ll wind up through a guardrail!”

Changbin reached a hand across the center console and patted Chan’s leg. “Chill. As long as he doesn’t sideswipe us, it’s fine.” A bit too late, Changbin realized that he’d slapped his hand down not on the many sections of denim but across Chan’s bare thigh. Curse those holey jeans! All week, it had been Chan pushing against the divide between them. This was the first time it was Changbin. Chan’s body heat was warm beneath Changbin’s palm and his hair faintly tickled Changbin’s fingertips. He pulled back his hand. “Cut the engine. Save the gas.”

Chan obeyed.

With the engine off, the only sounds were the faint Latin music on the radio and the cacophonous noise of the weirdly heavy rain beating down on them.

“Hope it lets up soon. This is bonkers.” Chan leaned forward a bit to get a better look out the front windshield. It was very difficult to gauge distance through all of the falling rain, but he could see that another car had pulled over on the side of the road a bit ahead of them, hazards flashing. “Looks like we aren’t the only ones who can’t drive in this mess.” He leaned back in his seat. “Sorry.”

“Why do you keep apologizing,” Changbin had to ask.

“I know how important this is to you… and everything that’s gone wrong, I feel like it’s my fault.”

“Why?” Changbin asked again. “You can’t control traffic and shit. You can’t control flat tires and shit. It is what it is.”

“Yeah. But it’s all of that on top of our friends who bailed and the shit motels and awful food. I can tell you aren’t having a good time.”

“How do you figure?”

“I just see it on your face.” Chan reached over. His fingertips were warm on Changbin’s jaw. His thumb traced the curve of Changbin’s downturned mouth. “I’ve never seen you scowl that hard until this trip.” It was that breaching of boundaries again. That absolute crushing of personal space. For the first time ever, Chan seemed to recognize that and he hurriedly pulled his hand back. “That’s why I want to get us there. So that both of us can stop worrying.”

And being exposed like that was unexpected, to say the least. Like having a terrible secret be dredged up. Changbin hadn’t been putting that much thought into it but now he was. He _hadn’t_ been having the best of times. Being cooped up in the car for days on end was getting to him and the only good night of sleep he’d had was last night, when Chan had cuddled into his side because there had only been one bed. Changbin hadn’t realized how openly he was showing his bad attitude and he definitely hadn’t realized that his attitude was rubbing off on Chan. He hoped things would change once they were actually standing in front of the ocean. He hoped. He hoped. “Sorry,” he said softly. “Sorry if I’ve been bringing the mood down.”

“You’re good, Changbin. I’m not upset or anything. I fucking get it.” Chan threw his seat back a little bit and got comfortable like he was ready for a nap. “This was supposed to be a buddy trip but now you’re stuck with me.”

Such wording didn’t sit well with Changbin. “I’m not _stuck_ with you.”

“I’m a hitchhiker at worst and a tolerated guest at the fucking best,” Chan stressed. “A few weeks back, none of you even wanted me to come on the trip but Minho said it was okay and then you all changed your minds.”

That was true. But Changbin hadn’t known it had bugged Chan like that this whole time. He didn’t know Chan still felt that _secondary_. “I want you to be here, Chan,” he said, emotional and desperate. “I really fucking do. You’re a cool guy.”

Chan sat up off of the seat and leaned over the center console. “I’m sorry I can’t make you happy like all of your friends being here could have.”

Changbin stiffened. He hadn’t expected Chan to say something so self-immolating. “You make me happy, Chan,” he said. “If I’m pissed, it’s not because of you. It’s because this trip has been a disaster.”

Chan looked over at him. “And I’ve still been trying my goddamn best to make the most of it with you.”

White hot lightning arced across the sky and, in that breath, Changbin could see how intently Chan watched him. How close their faces were. And it made him think, just for a moment, that he might not be alone in his feelings. Not his frustrations with the trip but the whole thing about being _interested_. And not just attracted. Changbin let himself think that perhaps Chan wanted as much out of him as Changbin wanted out of Chan.

God. He had to have been projecting. There was no way! Chan was so flippant in the way he touched Changbin. He probably didn’t care about it half as much as Changbin did. “Sorry,” he said again. “I’ll try to be better. I’ll try to enjoy this trip more.” That should be easy to do with a week at the beach. “Just let me know if my mood bugs you. We’re-- You can tell me that.”

“I just want to make you happy, Changbin,” said Chan. The earnestness in his eyes was so sharp it was painful. It was pretty much a confession.

Changbin’s stomach growled. Loudly. Blessedly disrupting the moment quite a bit.

At least the noise made Chan giggle. The tension in the air eased. “Snacks while we wait the storm out?”

“Yeah,” Changbin agreed.

They both turned around to lean into the back seat.

They both leaned forward to grab the convenience store bag full of candy bars and potato chips and salted peanuts.

Their faces crashed together. As graceless and disruptive as a car accident. Nose against temple. Mouth against cheek. Teeth were involved somehow. They both laughed. The impact pushed them farther away from awkward tension and back towards comfortable joy. Then Changbin, fueled by a sudden rush of courage, leaned forward and firmly pressed their mouths together. A chaste peck. Barely skin against skin. Hardly a kiss yet it was _everything_ . Chan’s lips were a touch salty. Like the burn of straight tequila. Then Changbin gasped and leaned back, afraid of what he’d just done. No. He was afraid of what Chan might _think_ of what he’d just done. “I…” His voice failed him. He shouldn’t have done that. He shouldn’t have done that! “I wasn’t thinking.”

“Good,” said Chan, low and breathy and a tad hoarse. “Because thinking has been getting in the way of things.” Chan reached out, grabbed Changbin by the back of the neck and pulled their faces close again.

This time, the kiss was more purposeful. Their faces aligned more naturally. Their noses slotted in next to each other. Tongues touched. Changbin got a deeper taste of Chan’s mouth, cool and damp like the miraculous rain. Oh, it was so good! It was so good to finally stop backtracking and just zoom forward! Changbin swiped his tongue across Chan’s teeth, then pushed it farther into Chan’s mouth. Chan gently closed his teeth around it, then his lips. He sucked on Changbin’s tongue and the sensation pulled a moan from somewhere deep within Changbin. They were moving so terribly fast, far above the speed limit, ignoring all of the roadside signs, but Changbin loved the thrill of it. He hadn’t realized how tired he was of moving slowly and safely, of toeing around boundaries. Changbin slipped his tongue out of Chan’s mouth only for Chan to chase it with his own tongue. Chan seemed to suck the very air from Changbin’s lungs and the weightlessness made it feel like Changbin was floating in space, lost among the stars. Lost in the colorful edges of their own universe.

It was hard to tell who unbuckled their seatbelt first. There was a whirlwind of movement from both of them. Their lips temporarily disconnected as they scrambled to get closer together. Changbin managed to climb halfway into the driver’s seat, halfway into Chan’s lap. He pushed their mouths together noisily and let his hand travel down Chan’s jaw and across the sculpted form of his chest. Chan’s hand sank into Changbin’s hair and tightly gripped the back of his head, then the fingers of his other hand travelled up Changbin’s bare arm, leaving goosebumps behind. Down his spine it went. Across his hip. Chan’s hand then grabbed hold of Changbin’s small but perky little ass and _squeezed_. The moan leapt from Changbin’s throat surprised them both and Chan parted his lips as if to catch the sound on his tongue. Then Chan pushed back and lowered Changbin back onto the passenger seat. Their kiss fell apart again, mouths sticky, chests heaving. The ringing in Changbin’s ears turned out to be the noise of the falling rain on the Wrangler’s roof. 

Really, really, what were the chances of rain like this? Was it fate? 

Chan pulled away. At first, Changbin thought he’d done something wrong or that Chan was reconsidering what they were doing, but then Chan’s hands were at the waistband of Changbin’s jeans, skillfully undoing his belt and ripping down his zipper. Chan worked his hands around Changbin’s hips and swiftly yanked his underwear down, completely exposing him. It wasn’t until Chan had a hand around Changbin’s already hard dick that his brain caught up with the present moment and sent a jolt of pleasure up his spine.

“Chan…” Changbin’s voice was low and gravelly. “Please. Please. I’ve been dreaming of this.”

“Me too,” Chan replied. “Every night.”

“Since that first day on the road?”

“Yeah. Me too.”

It was like a wish on a star come true. Changbin whined, “Then what were you waiting for?”

Chan said, “You.” Then he leaned over the center console and took Changbin’s dick in his mouth.

Just the tip at first. Gentle, teasing, wet swipes of the tongue. Then he inhaled through his nose and went down, taking more and more of Changbin into his mouth.

The pleasure was intense. Well earned. Nearly ten long days of pent-up tension. Ten long days where they had nothing but each other’s company. Ten long days of sharing food and socks and clothes and stories and memories. Ten days of intermingling scents and shared body heat and fleeting touches. Ten days of hearts beating in sync. 

Chan’s pink tongue had hardly licked up the entirety of Changbin’s length and the younger man was already shivering and whimpering. Chan pulled off to ask, eyebrows raised, “Is this okay?”

Changbin nodded enthusiastically. “Yes. It’s okay. I’m okay. It’s good. It’s good.”

“Good,” Chan said. Then he leaned back over and sucked Changbin’s dick into his mouth. One of his hands dragged across Changbin’s thigh and then moved up to his hip, up beneath the hem of his shirt and across the softness of Changbin’s belly. 

Changbin put a hand in Chan’s hair and gently ran his fingers through the bushy curls. Chan took the contact as a form of encouragement and moaned low in his throat. He increased the speed of his tongue and hungrily licked at the side of Changbin’s dick. His hand slipped out from beneath Changbin’s shirt, dipped into the musky heat of Changbin’s underwear and then softly, gently, cupped Changbin’s balls.

Changbin wasn’t particularly large in length or girth so it was almost embarrassing how easily Chan took him in. Lips tight, he worked his way down Changbin’s dick until his forehead was pressed to Changbin’s belly and Changbin could feel his dick touch the back of Chan’s throat. Then Chan pulled off of it entirely with saliva-damp lips.

They made eye contact. Their pupils were blown wide with arousal. Their cheeks pink with exertion. Their heated breaths and merging body heat fogged the windows of the parked car and with the dark gray sky above them, and the rain pounding down on the windows, it was like there wasn’t even a world outside. They had this whole place to themselves. Every bit of it.

“I want to swallow you,” Chan said.

Changbin wasn’t about to say no to that. He gave Chan a nod and then watched the man suck him down again. His pink lips looked so pretty wrapped around Changbin’s dick. His tongue--oh, his tongue!--traced the veins along the side of the shaft, leaving wet trails of spit behind that Chan used as lube to pump his fist.

Such a sensation made Changbin tighten his grip in Chan’s hair. Made him throw his head back until it hit the seat. Made his eyes roll to the back of his head. Chan was so good at it, keeping up a maddening tempo and moaning like he loved it.

It was easy to forget the rainstorm that raged outside. It was easy to forget the long and arduous journey to this point. All that existed was this one moment and all of the other moments that would come after.

And they would make many.

Chan skillfully worked his mouth, sucking at the head of Changbin’s dick and pumping his hand around the rest. He switched up his tempo whenever Changbin got too comfortable and the difference would make him gasp and pull harder on Chan’s hair. Changbin liked it best, though, when Chan moved his tongue excruciatingly slowly, as if savoring his every inch.

_The more time I spend with you, the better._

Weakly, Changbin thrust his hips upward and pushed Chan’s head downward. Anything to stuff his dick just a touch further down Chan’s throat. Anything to wring just a little bit more pleasure out of this beautiful moment.

Chan handled him easily. Not even gagging. Changbin could feel the way he stretched his jaw wide and _relaxed_ and let Changbin fuck his throat. It was so good. And so warm and wet and tight. Every other thrust had Changbin’s thighs shaking, had Chan groaning with pleasure. When Changbin tired, he collapsed back onto the seat, boneless, and Chan crawled farther forward to do the rest of the work himself.

It was almost uncomfortable, the way they had to bend and tangle to make things work in the Wrangler’s cramped front seats, but it was easy to ignore such space constraints when you were eager.

As the minutes blurred, as the pleasure mounted, Changbin found it harder to keep his eyes open which was a shame because he loved watching Chan suck his dick. He loved watching the man slurp and suck and lick as if Changbin’s taste was his favorite. There was no way he was going to last much longer beneath Chan’s skillful tongue. In fact, he was already about to lose it. “Chan,” he squeaked out. His hands pulled hard on Chan’s thick, curly hair again. “Chan, I’m-- I’m--”

Those cut-off grunts fueled Chan’s desire and made him redouble his efforts. He bobbed his head up and down Changbin’s dick faster. He sealed his lips tighter. He sucked harder. Pumped his fist faster.

Changbin bucked his hips up, shoved his dick to the back of Chan’s throat and came. Pulse after pulse. Wave after wave. His toes curled in his shoes. His muscles tightened. He could feel the way he flooded Chan’s mouth but, even more delightful than that, he could feel the way Chan swallowed the flood. Tirelessly. Bit by bit. Until he’d swallowed every drop. Until he was only sucking hard on the tip of Changbin’s sensitive dick.

The force of Changbin’s orgasm petered out but Chan sucked him through it. Almost savagely. Not giving him a moment to rest as he pumped his hand, as he licked and sucked as if he needed to get Changbin completely clean.

Even when Changbin had gone completely soft and was just a whimpering, shaking, spent mess in the passenger seat, Chan kept on. Licking and kissing.

At long fucking last, Chan came up off Changbin’s flaccid dick. He licked his lips and hungrily watched Changbin shiver and twitch from the oversensitivity. 

Changbin gasped, “Let me… Let me return the favor.”

“That was a gift, Changbin,” Chan said, smiling. Carefully, he helped Changbin pull his underwear back up. Get his pants zipped. Get his belt cinched. “We have a week for everything else. We have longer.”

Fuck. What a promise.

“Alright, then.” Finally sober from the high of his orgasm, Changbin stared out the front windshield at the pouring rain that still didn’t seem to be letting up. Changbin didn’t even think it could rain so terribly in a place like this. 

They may be here a while. It may be best to get comfortable.

Changbin was about to shut his eyes for a nap but then Chan was leaning over the center console and reaching for his chin. Changbin turned his head towards him expectantly. The kiss was purposefully deep and vast like the far reaches of space. Their tongues touched and Changbin tasted a bit of himself still wet and bitter on Chan’s tongue.

Changbin pulled away first, unable to stop the giddy laughter that tumbled out of him. “Goldfish or Pringles?” He reached for the convenience store bag again.

Chan laughed. It was like a great weight had been lifted from both of their shoulders. A mountain climbed and conquered. Boundaries shattered and in pieces beneath their confident stride. “Is that even a fucking question? Goldfish. All the way.”

So Changbin got out the bag of Goldfish and they shared.

☀

They stopped again with just over two hours on the road to go.

The day had slipped by them both faster and slower than they needed it to. Faster, because they still weren’t at the beach. Slower, because even this much time together wasn’t turning out to be enough. The afternoon light was waning. It wasn’t twilight yet but it was late enough that the shadows were stretched across the ground. Half-invisible in the smudgy blue sky was the thin, white outline of the moon. If only they had a bit more daylight, they could hit the beach and do some surfing. Find a park and do some skateboarding.

While Chan went inside the gas station to piss and buy a soda for Changbin, he got out of the passenger seat to stretch. 

They had come across some tiny town in the middle of nowhere. Well, all of these towns were tiny and in the middle of nowhere. This one was just a handful of buildings and shops immediately off the highway. It wasn’t fancy by any means and it was still ages from their destination but Chan drank water like he was a nicotine addict going through a pack of cigarettes a day. In other words, a pit stop every hour was pretty much expected.

Changbin stared up at the sky and took in how one end was still blue with summer heat while the other end was just beginning to color with sunset. The world around them wasn’t as desert-like as Arizona but it was still drier than Changbin expected. The East Coast was so lush and verdant. The West Coast was an entirely different world. How was it still this dry this close to the water?

Chan came out of the store. Changbin recognized him by his heavy footsteps so he wasn’t as surprised as Chan probably wanted him to be when Chan pressed a cold bottle of Sprite to his neck.

Absolutely unprovoked, because Changbin hadn’t said anything now or during the miles leading up to this, Chan said, “Changbin, I’m not just attracted to you. I’m interested _in_ you.”

Changbin took the bottle of Sprite. When he uncapped it, the air inside noisily hissed out. He took a sip and felt the sharp zing of lemony carbonation travel down his throat. “And I’m attracted to you _and_ interested in you, Chan.”

They didn’t have to say more than that. The barriers and boundaries between them were now blurred away much like the ocean whisked away the grains of sand. 

The two of them smiled at each other and got back in the car.

☀

“I see palm trees,” Chan announced. His cheery voice pulled Changbin out of his light and easy nap.

Changbin opened one eye and then the other. The sky out the windshield was tinted orange with dusk. Changbin had slept for longer than he intended. Hell, he hadn’t meant to fall asleep at all. Not _again_. “Are we there yet?”

Chan snorted at the question. “We’re in Los Angeles. Yeah.”

The highway had pretty much bled into narrow city streets now. It wasn’t just palm trees on either side of the road, but also houses and stores and cars parked on the side of the road. “Civilization,” Changbin called out sarcastically. “I never thought I’d see you again!”

The impossible rainstorm had passed. It was miles and miles behind them now but what good things the bad weather had brought, they still carried with them.

Almost dreamily, Changbin raised his fingers to his mouth and gently touched them as if he didn’t want to wipe even the feeling of Chan’s lips from them.

Chan must have spotted him. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Changbin dropped his hand to his lap. “Just trying to make sure I’m not dreaming or anything… Just trying to, like, be sure that I haven’t slipped into a different world.”

“You haven’t,” said Chan, firmly. “I’m here.”

“We’re here,” Changbin corrected. “Together.”

Chan steered them through an intersection. There was a shopping center coming up on the right and the sidewalk was crowded with pedestrians as they walked to and fro in colorful tank tops and shorts. 

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you again,” said Changbin. “I told you I’d keep you company. Help you stay alert.” He reached a hand across the distance that separated them and placed his palm down on Chan’s thigh yet, this time around, he didn’t pull away when his hand touched more skin than denim. “Is this okay?”

“Of course,” Chan said. He rolled down the windows, letting in a cool, damp, evening breeze. 

The air smelled different. Out in the desert, it had a thick, heavy feel that sat in the lungs like a weight. Here, though, this close to the sea, the air smelled of salt and sunshine. It buoyed rather than burdened. Changbin felt light. If he sucked in enough of this air, perhaps he’d be able to float out of his seat and reach the clouds.

“The beach should be at the end of this road,” Chan stated. “Less than five minutes.”

“I can feel it,” Changbin said. Perhaps it was something in the wind. Or a particular smell in the air. Perhaps it was something deep down in his soul. Maybe it was because the streets got narrower and the houses became more brightly painted and the sidewalks were now covered in a thin layer of sand.

Chan took a hand off of the steering wheel to place it gently on top of Changbin’s on his thigh. He squeezed tightly. Both reassuringly and possessively. “I think the ocean is going to be on the other side of this hill.”

Changbin agreed, “Me too. Me too. I know it.”

And then they crested the hill. More beautiful than either of them expected, the ocean opened up in front of them. Dazzling blue from one end of the horizon to the other with a peachy-pink sun dipping down towards it as if for a goodnight kiss.

Changbin did not expect the tears that leapt to his eyes.

It really was as if the beach was its own universe. And he was here to share it with Chan. 

☀

They checked in at a hotel that sat on a corner an unfortunate block or two or three away from the actual surf and sand. It was the closest vacancy they’d found, with it being peak season and all.

While Chan took their luggage up to the fourth floor to their room, Changbin stayed in the wonderfully air conditioned lobby and called Seungmin. He didn’t answer the first time so Changbin hung up and called again. He checked his watch because he had temporarily forgotten that they were in hugely different time zones now but, no, it would still be too early in the evening for Seungmin to be asleep.

“Sup, Changbin,” Seungmin answered the third time he called. “And before you yell, I was taking a shit.”

“I wasn’t going to ask but thanks for the info.”

“Why’d you call? You and Chan have another fight?”

“No. No, actually.” Changbin raised a hand to cover his blushing cheeks even though he knew Seungmin couldn’t see him. “We’ve actually been getting along. Being stuck in a car with each other for days on end will do that to you.”

“Ahh, so you’re friends now? That’s… That’s good, Changbin. I was legit worried for a while. I know you two wound up being the only ones out there when it was supposed to be all of us. I’m still sorry about that… So I’m glad the trip hasn’t been a total disaster.”

Changbin thought about all of their delays. All of their obstructions. All of the hours they spent backtracking and waiting and searching. They didn’t matter half as much to him today as they would have yesterday. “It was a good trip. Oh, now I remember why I fucking called. We made it to the beach!” Changbin whooped in excitement. “We finally fucking made it to the beach!”

Seungmin joined him in a round of loud, exuberant cheering. “Oh man, what a trip!”

Maybe a few days ago, Changbin would have been bitter that his friends weren’t here. That everyone had bailed. Now, though, he didn’t particularly mind their absence. He’d done something brave and wild: a road trip across the entire damn country! Something he never would have done on his own. He’d completed the trip when he’d wanted to stop and go home a million times, when dozens of obstacles had gotten in his way and frustrated him and made him hate everything. He’d pressed on and on, kept moving forward and, now, he was here. 

And he had Chan’s patience to thank for that.

Chan helped him through this with his quiet comfort and easy smiles. Even before Changbin started to find him attractive. Even before they kissed.

“I just wanted to let you know that we got here safe,” Changbin said. “Uhh, Chan will probably post more pics to Instagram than I will so if you want to keep up with that…”

“I’ll live vicariously through you guys,” Seungmin told him. “I’ll post long, jealous comments on everything.”

“I wish you were here, Seungmin. I wish all of you guys were here.”

“Well, _you’re_ there. So you should have the same amount of fun. Don’t mope around. Don’t waste it, Changbin.”

“I won’t.”

Chan stepped out of the elevator and into the tiled lobby. His face lit up when he saw Changbin near the front doors, skin painted gold in the light of sunset. Chan crossed the lobby towards him and didn’t even hesitate to snake his arms around Changbin’s waist and pull him through the building’s sliding doors into the heat and golden glow outdoors. “Come on,” Chan insisted. “You said you wanted to see it. Hurry up! Before we miss it.”

“I gotta go, Seungmin,” Changbin said into his phone, already lowering it from next to his ear. “Chan and I have to watch the sunset.”

☀

They barely made it to the sand in time.

After such a long and arduous day, the beach felt like a dream come true.

The two of them finally had their toes in the sand. The warm summer waves rushed up to wrap around their ankles before falling back out to sea. The breeze blew Changbin’s hair every which way and he could feel the warmth of the last rays of the sun across his chest.

Chan stepped up next to him. Closer than usual. No. This distance - this lack of distance - would be their _new_ usual. Their hands brushed. Accidentally at first. Then more purposefully when Changbin turned his palm and slipped his fingers between Chan’s.

Chan squeezed his hand. Warm. Comforting. Anchoring.

This was how they were going to do things now. This was how they were going to stay.

“How do you feel?”

Changbin hadn’t been looking at him when he said it but he could _hear_ that Chan was smiling. Just like he was smiling. Both of them were happy. Relieved. Staring up at the pinks and oranges and yellows and blazing crimson red of the sunset and feeling like they had finally found their place in the universe. And that place was next to each other. “Really good,” Changbin truthfully admitted. “I feel really good. How is it for you?”

“Good,” Chan said. Then his salt-chapped lips were on Changbin’s cheek. On his jaw. And then, at long last, on Changbin’s mouth.

The kiss stretched on and on like taffy and Changbin drank it in. In and in, he pulled. Like he was drawing the very ocean into himself. He broke the kiss long enough to breathe. Long enough to look into Chan’s eyes alive with the colors of sunset. Long enough to speak. “Good.” Then he was kissing Chan again.

When Changbin had set out on this wild car trip over a week ago, he hadn’t really known what he was looking for but now, in this moment, he knew deep in his heart that whatever it was, he would find it here.


End file.
